Exodus 4

We seem to have settled into a more reasonable pace for posting new chapters. I flew through Genesis, but now doing a chapter every couple of days. I'm not trying to win a race or do this quickly, just to work steadily through the material.  Hopefully this will also preserve my sanity a bit better.

In Exodus 4, God teaches Moses some magic tricks and prepares him to confront Pharaoh about freeing the Hebrews.  But we already know that Pharaoh will refuse, so God starts planning the misery he will inflict upon the Egyptians.  Here's a spoiler: it involves murdering innocent children.

Skeptic's Annotated Bible

4:1  And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice: for they will say, The LORD hath not appeared unto thee.

Exactly.  I'm sure it was a pretty common thing for people to claim to have spoken with God.  What would you do today if someone came up to you and said that God told them to convince you to leave your home and relocate?  (If it's so important to God that the Hebrews leave Egypt, why not tell each of them individually, so they don't question whether the instruction comes from God?  And why go through Pharaoh, who's going to get pissed off and refuse?  I still don't get why God is choosing the path that he knows will cause more pain, death and suffering.)

4:2  And the LORD said unto him, What is that in thine hand? And he said, A rod.
4:3  And he said, Cast it on the ground. And he cast it on the ground, and it became a serpent; and Moses fled from before it.
4:4  And the LORD said unto Moses, Put forth thine hand, and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand, and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand:

Next he'll make a bronze coin appear from the Pharaoh's ear.

4:5  That they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, hath appeared unto thee.

Because turning a stick into a snake == God?  Why bother with the magic tricks?  Why not just imbue them with acceptance?   After God created, you know, everything (and then destroyed it with floods, famine and brimstone), turning a stick into a snake seems pretty trivial.

4:6  And the LORD said furthermore unto him, Put now thine hand into thy bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom: and when he took it out, behold, his hand was leprous as snow.

"Leprous as snow"?  Leprosy (Hanson's Disease) is a terrible affliction, but turning the skin white is not one of the symptoms.   This sounds like something written by somebody who doesn't have a good understanding of medicine and disease.

4:7  And he said, Put thine hand into thy bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again; and plucked it out of his bosom, and, behold, it was turned again as his other flesh.

Amazing!  And now for my next trick...

4:8  And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe thee, neither hearken to the voice of the first sign, that they will believe the voice of the latter sign.
4:9  And it shall come to pass, if they will not believe also these two signs, neither hearken unto thy voice, that thou shalt take of the water of the river, and pour it upon the dry land: and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land.

Gruesome.  Why not wine?  Or liquid mercury?  Or anything at all less gory, like butterflies or rainbows?  Okay, fine, blood.  You know that's going to stain the floor, don't you?  (Here, let me get some water to wash that up.  Oh no, it turned into more blood!  Stop it!  Stop pouring water that turns into blood on my floor!)

4:10  And Moses said unto the LORD, O my LORD, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.
4:11  And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?

I can do anything!  Except convince these people without your help, so be sure to say exactly what I tell you to say.

It's very strange that God is here bragging about making people deaf and blind.  And if he can cure leprosy this easily, why does the disease even exist?  What a prick.

4:12  Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.
4:13  And he said, O my LORD, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send.
4:14  And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses,

I'm not entirely sure what just happened.  Did Moses tell God to find someone else for the job?  Again, such terrible writing!

and he said, Is not Aaron the Levite thy brother? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thee: and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart.
4:15  And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do.

Moses is uneasy about having the ability to speak eloquently and convince the Pharaoh.  So Moses performs a little rehearsal with Aaron so he can get the hang of it.

4:16  And he shall be thy spokesman unto the people: and he shall be, even he shall be to thee instead of a mouth, and thou shalt be to him instead of God.
4:17  And thou shalt take this rod in thine hand, wherewith thou shalt do signs.

Signs?  I guess these are the magic tricks he just described.

4:18  And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father in law

Jethro again, though we were told his name is Reuel.  Oops.

, and said unto him, Let me go, I pray thee, and return unto my brethren which are in Egypt, and see whether they be yet alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace.
4:19  And the LORD said unto Moses in Midian, Go, return into Egypt: for all the men are dead which sought thy life.

Those people who were chasing you because you killed that Egyptian?  I've killed them for you, so now it's safe to return to Egypt.  Aren't I a nice guy?

4:20  And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt: and Moses took the rod of God in his hand.
4:21  And the LORD said unto Moses, When thou goest to return into Egypt, see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh, which I have put in thine hand: but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go.

So it's *God*'s fault that Pharaoh at first refuses to let the Hebrews leave Egypt.  Unbelievable!

Before I thought that it was just that God would be unable to persuade Pharaoh to let the Hebrews go; he was using his omniscience to know what would happen, but not using his omnipotence to influence events (sort of like a bystander who refuses to help the victim of a crime).  But now we learn that God IS using his power to make Pharaoh refuse Moses ("I will harden his heart").  What possible reason could there be for this, other than that God wanted to bring these plagues upon Egypt?  Is this some kind of revenge for the suffering of the Hebrews?  It's not enough to get them to freedom, but their captors must be made to suffer too?

4:22  And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:
4:23  And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.

And of course, it's not the slave owners that are being punished, but the innocent children that are going to be slaughtered.  Tell me again, why do people describe God as a peaceful, loving character?  Not only is this revenge and not justice; not only is the revenge misplaced; but we also have to murder innocent children.  Ugh!

4:24  And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.
4:25  Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

The whole deal was almost blown because Moses forgot to cut off the foreskin of his son's penis.  I guess Zipporah saw God trying to kill Moses in the inn, figured out that it was because her son wasn't circumcised (itself a feat of deduction), and acted quickly enough to stop God before he could kill Moses?

I hope she didn't rush the actual circumcision, though!  A sharp stone?  Ouch!

Again, they typically leave this repulsive story out of the Disney-like retelling.  I can't really see the Sunday school kids doing this scene for the church play.  ("Billy, stop playing with the bloody foreskin, we're going to need that.")

4:26  So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

A bloody God, you mean.

4:27  And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him.
4:28  And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which he had commanded him.
4:29  And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the children of Israel:
4:30  And Aaron spake all the words which the LORD had spoken unto Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people.
4:31  And the people believed: and when they heard that the LORD had visited the children of Israel, and that he had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed their heads and worshipped.

That must have made God happy.  As long as they were all circumcised.