Skeptic's Annotated Bible
14:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
14:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, that they turn and encamp before Pihahiroth,
Pi-hahiroth is not a known, actual place.
between Migdol and the sea, over against Baalzephon: before it shall ye encamp by the sea.
14:3 For Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, They are entangled in the land, the wilderness hath shut them in.
14:4 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart,
Again with God hardening Pharaoh's heart. It's perfectly clear, whatever bad things happen to Pharaoh and the Egyptians happen because God wants them to happen. God is responsible for all this misery and death.
that he shall follow after them; and I will be honored upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host; that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD. And they did so.
14:5 And it was told the king of Egypt that the people fled: and the heart of Pharaoh and of his servants was turned against the people, and they said, Why have we done this, that we have let Israel go from serving us?
Don't you remember the flies, and the pestilence; the hail and locusts; the frogs and blood; oh yeah, and the murdering of all your firstborn children and cattle?
14:6 And he made ready his chariot, and took his people with him:
14:7 And he took six hundred chosen chariots, and all the chariots of Egypt, and captains over every one of them.
14:8 And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh king of Egypt,
Got that, reader? In case it wasn't nauseatingly clear before, we're just repeating it for you now.
and he pursued after the children of Israel: and the children of Israel went out with an high hand.
14:9 But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.
There's controversy over where Baal-zephon might have been, and again, no direct evidence that it's a real place.
14:10 And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.
Holy Frick!
14:11 And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?
14:12 Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.
Wow, what a meek people. They'd rather live as slaves than try for a better life, even with the support of God, and all of the wonders that they witnessed in Egypt while God was hardening Pharaoh's heart to ensure he got to do them all. What more evidence that God is on their side do they need? Why fear Pharaoh when you have an omnipotent superhero on your side? Hmm, maybe they weren't circumcised?
14:13 And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will show to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.
14:14 The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
I promise you, God's on our side!
14:15 And the LORD said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me?
I know what's coming, but at this point it sounds like God is saying "don't come crying to me, Moses." Seems very out of place here.
speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:
14:16 But lift thou up thy rod, and stretch out thine hand over the sea, and divide it: and the children of Israel shall go on dry ground through the midst of the sea.
The parting of the Red Sea.
14:17 And I, behold, I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they shall follow them:
We get it, we get it. Unbelievable. You want total credit for the drowning of all the stupid Egyptians who wouldn't have otherwise followed the Hebrews into the middle of the parted sea.
and I will get me honor upon Pharaoh, and upon all his host, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
I guess "get me honor upon" means "get the credit for killing them."
14:18 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honor upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
And not some cheap parlor magician who can only turn sticks into snakes or water into blood. No, I can do much more than that!
14:19 And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:
14:20 And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.
If God can create a cloud of darkness to conceal the Hebrews from the Egyptians, why is it necessary to kill all the Egyptians? Just leave the cloud in place until the Hebrews are safely across the sea, and then it will appear to the Egyptians that the Hebrews all disappeared, or drowned in the sea. The only reason for what comes next is that God is a bloodthirsty ghoul.
14:21 And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.
14:22 And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
14:23 And the Egyptians pursued, and went in after them to the midst of the sea, even all Pharaoh's horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.
I guess the cloud of darkness has been lifted, then. Not only are these stories ridiculous and cruel, but they're so badly written.
SAB makes a good point here. In Exodus 9:3-6 we learn that all of the beasts of Egypt were killed in the fifth plague, a "grievous murrain." To recap: "9:3 Behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: there shall be a very grievous murrain." And then: "3:6 And the LORD did that thing on the morrow, and all the cattle of Egypt died...." So, if all the cattle of the field died (the horses, asses, camels, oxen and sheep), then where'd they get the horses for the chariots? For that matter, how could the 10th plague have killed all the firstborn of these animals, if they were all already dead?
You know, I'm beginning to think that the author of these stories is prone to hyperbole.
14:24 And it came to pass, that in the morning watch the LORD looked unto the host of the Egyptians through the pillar of fire and of the cloud, and troubled the host of the Egyptians,
14:25 And took off their chariot wheels, that they drave them heavily: so that the Egyptians said, Let us flee from the face of Israel; for the LORD fighteth for them against the Egyptians.
I guess this was written before the invention of the quotation mark? If this line was spoken by an Egyptian, it would have been "for the LORD fighteth for them against us." The only reason for Egyptians to refer to themselves as Egyptians here (rather than us) is to make it clearer to the reader who is being referenced; but it highlights the fact that this is just a badly-written story, not a historical account.
14:26 And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand over the sea, that the waters may come again upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.
Here is the crime. If this were a modern event, God would have to stand trial for genocide.
14:27 And Moses stretched forth his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to his strength when the morning appeared; and the Egyptians fled against it; and the LORD overthrew the Egyptians in the midst of the sea.
14:28 And the waters returned, and covered the chariots, and the horsemen, and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
Sounds like genocide to me.
I guess there were no rainbows that day. Okay, technically this isn't a flood, I guess, but the effect is the same: mass murder through drowning. The promise never to wipe out human life by flooding again is really pretty hollow, considering all of the other creative ways that God finds to kill people.
14:29 But the children of Israel walked upon dry land in the midst of the sea; and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left.
14:30 Thus the LORD saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore.
14:31 And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses.
Great job, God! You sure killed all those Egyptians with style! Hey, maybe we should kill some animals for you, in honor of your victory?
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