Skeptic's Annotated Bible
23:1 Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.
Further clarification of not bearing false witness. This sounds like it's more clearly about being a witness and not providing false testimony, than the general injunction against lying that it's been made out to be.
23:2 Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil;
Wow, when there's something that can be used as a justification for atrocities like "not suffer a witch to live" it's embraced whole-heartedly. But when there's something that would reduce human suffering like not joining a violent mob, that is largely forgotten.
neither shalt thou speak in a cause to decline after many to wrest judgment:
Neither shalt thou speak in a way to be incomprehensible.
This apparently means that you shouldn't be swayed by a group to provide false testimony in a lawsuit. So it's really a combination of not lying and not following a crowd.
23:3 Neither shalt thou countenance a poor man in his cause.
Don't provide false testimony in a way that favors a poor person, just because they're poor. Again, I think this would be covered against the general injunction against false testimony, but okay.
23:4 If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again.
Okay, this is oddly specific. Clearly the idea is that you should help out people when they need it, even if you don't like them. I'm sure there are many, many cases where this would apply other than just if you see his ox or donkey running loose. I hope we don't try to articulate all the specific cases where you should try to help your enemy.
23:5 If thou see the ass of him that hateth thee lying under his burden, and wouldest forbear to help him, thou shalt surely help with him.
Yes, apparently we are.
23:6 Thou shalt not wrest the judgment of thy poor in his cause.
Don't deny justice to the poor. I think it's interesting that we first had to say that you shouldn't help the poor with a falsehood before making the case that you shouldn't decline to the help the poor when they're right. And why do these principles apply only, or specifically, to the poor? Shouldn't we be honest with our testimony regardless of who is accused?
23:7 Keep thee far from a false matter; and the innocent and righteous slay thou not: for I will not justify the wicked.
Don't kill the innocent and righteous. The guilty or sinful, you can kill all you want.
23:8 And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous.
Holy cow, really? No gifts? What on earth is everyone doing at Christmas or on birthdays, then?
23:9 Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
Another case of limiting a good idea to only a specific audience. Why not just say that people shouldn't be oppressed in general?
23:10 And six years thou shalt sow thy land, and shalt gather in the fruits thereof:
23:11 But the seventh year thou shalt let it rest and lie still; that the poor of thy people may eat: and what they leave the beasts of the field shall eat. In like manner thou shalt deal with thy vineyard, and with thy oliveyard.
Another rule I've never heard of before, and don't see people practicing on a regular basis.
23:12 Six days thou shalt do thy work, and on the seventh day thou shalt rest: that thine ox and thine ass may rest, and the son of thy handmaid, and the stranger, may be refreshed.
I wonder how modern believers reconcile this with the 5-day work week?
23:13 And in all things that I have said unto you be circumspect: and make no mention of the name of other gods, neither let it be heard out of thy mouth.
Again, acknowledgement of the other gods who we're not supposed to mention by name. So, to recap: we can't worship them before this God; we can't sacrifice to them, and we can't mention them by name. But we're should not revile them (we should treat them with respect).
23:14 Three times thou shalt keep a feast unto me in the year.
Ah good, I like feasts.
23:15 Thou shalt keep the feast of unleavened bread: (thou shalt eat unleavened bread seven days, as I commanded thee, in the time appointed of the month Abib; for in it thou camest out from Egypt: and none shall appear before me empty:)
This happens in late March.
23:16 And the feast of harvest, the firstfruits of thy labors, which thou hast sown in the field: and the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labors out of the field.
Okay, so the three feasts are:
- Feast of Unleavened bread, in March
- Feast of Harvest
- Feast of Ingathering, at the end of the year
23:17 Three items in the year all thy males shall appear before the LORD God.
When? Just three times, or three specific times? Can I go on January 1,2,3 and get it all out of the way? (And, no need for the females to appear before God; he doesn't care about them.)
23:18 Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread; neither shall the fat of my sacrifice remain until the morning.
Specific instructions about how to make a sacrifice (slaughter an animal for God).
23:19 The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring into the house of the LORD thy God.
Be sure the rabbis are well fed.
Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.
This has generally been interpreted to mean that you shouldn't serve meat and milk together (at least that's how Jewish friends of mine explained it to me, when I was a kid). Not sure I understand the reason for it, but okay.
By the way, I've totally lost count of how many rules there are to follow. Seems like a lot.
23:20 Behold, I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.
23:21 Beware of him, and obey his voice, provoke him not; for he will not pardon your transgressions: for my name is in him.
Got that? If you don't obey these rules, the angel that I sent to keep people in line will NOT forgive you, because he's just like me and I'm not the forgiving type.
23:22 But if thou shalt indeed obey his voice, and do all that I speak; then I will be an enemy unto thine enemies, and an adversary unto thine adversaries.
Such a confrontational tone. If you don't obey my rules I'll never forgive you; but if you do obey my rules, I'll always fight against your enemies for you. It seems like this message could have been delivered in a more positive manner, such as "if you follow my rules I'll always be there to support and guide you."
23:23 For mine Angel shall go before thee, and bring thee in unto the Amorites, and the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Canaanites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites: and I will cut them off.
23:24 Thou shalt not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do after their works: but thou shalt utterly overthrow them, and quite break down their images.
Hateful, hateful stuff. Yuck. So much for religious freedom or tolerance.
23:25 And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread,
As long as it doesn't contain any yeast.
and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.
Really? There's no sickness among Israelites? That would be a miracle. A quick web search using the terms "Israel disease rates" finds plenty of sickness and disease in Israel, so I guess this no longer applies.
23:26 There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil.
23:27 I will send my fear before thee, and will destroy all the people to whom thou shalt come, and I will make all thine enemies turn their backs unto thee.
Again, hateful and hurtful behavior. Would an omnipotent god really only have such violent methods at his disposal?
23:28 And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite, from before thee.
Hornets!
23:29 I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate, and the beast of the field multiply against thee.
23:30 By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land.
23:31 And I will set thy bounds from the Red sea even unto the sea of the Philistines, and from the desert unto the river: for I will deliver the inhabitants of the land into your hand; and thou shalt drive them out before thee.
23:32 Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor with their gods.
23:33 They shall not dwell in thy land, lest they make thee sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee.
More concern about other gods. More religious intolerance. And an assignment of land that could never, ever cause religious conflict. But only if they're circumcised, I'm guessing.
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