Skeptic's Annotated Bible
1 And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not.
Strange fire? Okaaaaaay. At least they're trying, right? They're making an offering to God.
2 And there went out fire from the LORD, and devoured them, and they died before the LORD.
Holy frick, they get killed for getting their offering wrong?
Let's see, they could have made their offering at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong way, or with the wrong frame of mind. (Whatever "strange fire" means; all we really know is that they did something wrong.) But they get killed for this?
Let's say I have a very particular way I like my birthday cake to be made. I carefully instruct my 6-year-old on the exact method of preparation, and he dutifully listens with great care. On my next birthday he makes me this cake, to the best of his ability, because he wants to please me; he genuinely loves me and wants me to be happy. But it turns out he used the wrong kind of flour, or the icing looks sloppy, or it's lopsided, whatever. If I'm a loving, caring father, I recognize the intention of his effort and a am pleased and grateful for his effort. If I'm a jackass I complain about the cake, and if I'm a real prick I punish him (spank him, send him to his room without dinner, etc.). But only a psychopath would react in such a horrifying way as to kill his child for this effort.
And only an idiot would read this and say "yup, God acted in a reasonable, understandable and moral way here. Those two deserved to die."
3 Then Moses said unto Aaron, This is it that the LORD spake , saying , I will be sanctified in them that come nigh me, and before all the people I will be glorified . And Aaron held his peace.
That's it? Aaron is satisfied with that? His sons were burned to death to sanctify God, and this is acceptable?
4 And Moses called Mishael and Elzaphan, the sons of Uzziel the uncle of Aaron, and said unto them, Come near, carry your brethren from before the sanctuary out of the camp.
5 So they went near , and carried them in their coats out of the camp; as Moses had said .
6 And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die , and lest wrath come upon all the people: but let your brethren, the whole house of Israel, bewail the burning which the LORD hath kindled .
7 And ye shall not go out from the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die : for the anointing oil of the LORD is upon you. And they did according to the word of Moses.
Carry the charred, dead bodies out; but don't dare show any signs of mourning or sorrow at their death, or God will kill you too.
8 And the LORD spake unto Aaron, saying ,
9 Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die : it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations:
God will also kill you for drinking wine or strong drink in the tabernacle.
10 And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;
11 And that ye may teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the LORD hath spoken unto them by the hand of Moses.
12 And Moses spake unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons that were left, Take the meat offering that remaineth of the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and eat it without leaven beside the altar: for it is most holy:
You and your sons who I haven't killed yet can enjoy eating the remains of the animal sacrifice. Not creepy at all.
13 And ye shall eat it in the holy place, because it is thy due, and thy sons' due, of the sacrifices of the LORD made by fire: for so I am commanded.
Just as I suspected; the real purpose of the animal sacrifice is to feed the priests.
14 And the wave breast and heave shoulder shall ye eat in a clean place; thou, and thy sons, and thy daughters with thee: for they be thy due, and thy sons' due, which are given out of the sacrifices of peace offerings of the children of Israel.
15 The heave shoulder and the wave breast shall they bring with the offerings made by fire of the fat, to wave it for a wave offering before the LORD; and it shall be thine, and thy sons' with thee, by a statute for ever; as the LORD hath commanded.
16 And Moses diligently sought the goat of the sin offering, and, behold, it was burnt : and he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron which were left alive,
Oh crap, you got the sin offering wrong! Run!
saying,
17 Wherefore have ye not eaten the sin offering in the holy place, seeing it is most holy, and God hath given it you to bear the iniquity of the congregation, to make atonement for them before the LORD?
18 Behold, the blood of it was not brought in within the holy place: ye should indeed have eaten it in the holy place, as I commanded.
Weren't you listening when I told you how to make offerings to me?
19 And Aaron said unto Moses, Behold, this day have they offered their sin offering and their burnt offering before the LORD; and such things have befallen me: and if I had eaten the sin offering to day, should it have been accepted in the sight of the LORD?
20 And when Moses heard that, he was content.
Okay, what now? Nadab and Abihu get torched for making their offering wrong, but Eleazar and Ithamar get off the hook just like that?
If God cared about this stuff so much that he's willing to kill, then why did Eleazar and Ithamar get off so easily? Not that I wanted to see them die, of course, but it just highlights the fact that God is a capricious, illogical psychopath. If he didn't kill Eleazar and Ithamar, then there was really no reason for him to kill Nadab and Abihu, either. Unbelievable.
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